WeWriWa | CyberWorld: The Guards

This week’s excerpt is a continuation of last week‘s and continues the world-building in my novel, The CyberWorldEnjoy! 😀

There was one door, and one door only, a brilliant blue outline flashed in the wall. The door of my cell, firm steel, swung slowly open, every day without fail, pushed by a handsome man with nutty brown hair and blue-gray eyes made of icy steel. This was a Guard, by the name of Robert McVaine.
He wore a dark maroon suit, almost blood red, with a black tie and a collared shirt. His shoes, dress shoes, were black, too. The outfit of a Guard. Bellatris told us ten years ago that the Guards were here to protect us. But there is nothing that we need to be protected from, except the Creators and the terrifying horrors of the CyberWorld itself.

Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt © Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog

________________________________________________________________

So this lets you know a little bit more about the world, I guess. It’s a lot of world-building, but I’m hoping Breeze’s style will keep readers intrigued and reading on… or maybe they just want to find out more about the world and Bellatris 🙂

The first chapter is a lot of world building, and not a lot of character building for Breeze, my main character.

I’m sort of running out of material to post, because everything I’ve posted is from my rewrite. I plan to write a lot more, next week, though 😀

Happy 8Sunday,

3A8DB1E7BA0250AE3943BB53945DC23F

 

Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt © Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog

Advertisements

28 responses to “WeWriWa | CyberWorld: The Guards

  1. One door makes it really hard to escape if you are underground in the catacombs :/ That begs the question, do they ever go outside? The blue light is an interesting touch. Is there some meaning behind it? I’m imagining like a neon glow for some reason XD Did they live in the catacombs before Bellatris? The color of the suit seems symbolic as well. Black for the darkness they are living in and blood-red for the blood that has been shed. I’m guessing the guards are antagonists since they work for Bellatris :/ It would be interesting if there was a rogue guard that helps out the protagonist 8D

    About this sentence, “The door of my cell, firm steel, swung slowly open, every day without fail, pushed by a handsome man with nutty brown hair and blue-gray eyes made of icy steel.” I think it might sound better reworded. I tried and it was actually pretty tough. This is how I might do it, “The door was made out of steel, ten inches thick, so no one from the outside could hear our screams. Every day it was opened by a man, his biceps straining as he pushed against it, moving only a few inches a minute. His features were striking, a jaw bone chiseled by the gods, nutty brown hair that fell into waves, and blue-grey eyes cold as ice.” I think instead of saying he’s handsome it might help to describe him a bit more. And I thought it was a bit much to use “steel” twice in only a few lines so I just changed the eye description a bit. It’s up to you if you want to change it, but you can use some or all of what I wrote 🙂

    Looking forward to finding out more next week 😀 I’m also interested in the Guard XD I feel like he has an important role because you gave him a name, or maybe that’s just wishful thinking because he’s pretty X3

    • Thanks 🙂 And yep, that single door does make it pretty hard to get out 😀 I happen to like blue light, actually. It’s very professional-looking. And sounding. Also, I guess I sort of picked blue (1) because it’s the color of my blog… kind of and (2) Bellatris starts with a “b” which is very blue. You got the colors of the suit right on! And I guess you’ll just have to wait and see 😛

      Oh, whoops, I actually didn’t catch the “steel” reuse–thanks! 😀 Also, I kind of wanted to just leave it at “handsome,” or something around those lines, because I don’t want the reader to expect him to be the love interest or something. I could describe him a bit more, I agree, though 😛

      I’m glad you’re looking forward to it. 😀 He has sort of an important role, but I guess you’ll just have to wait and find out 😀 (A phrase I overuse so much…)

      Thanks for all the constructive criticism (though it really wasn’t any sort of criticism). I’m glad you enjoyed! 😀

  2. I am very impressed to find this level of writing from a teen writer— most of us take longer to get to your current level. The snippet made me want to read more, so I hope you keep on writing.

    • Thank you–I’m glad you like my writing, but I honestly am not that good. There are amazing writers a lot younger than me 😛

      Nothing can stop me from writing! I’m glad you liked it! 😀

  3. One thing I learned when writing Diabolic Clockwork is that you should never be afraid of world building! It’s important to a story and maybe even so important that it contributes to your plot in ways that nothing else can. I myself love world-building much more than character-building but, being a writer, it seems you need to do both 😛

    The snippet is intriguing, so perhaps your post next week could be a continuation of this one? I’d like to know more ^.^

    • Yes–especially in a world that’s so different from our own! I love world-building, too. Character-building is harder for me, and I feel like every word I write has to be in-line with the character’s character. But honestly, when I come away from a novel, it’s because I love the characters, so character building it is! 😛

      Yep, I’ve already got it all planned out 🙂 It’s on a different topic, but still lots of world-building! 😀 Glad you enjoyed 🙂

  4. I am drawn into this story, Sabrina! Nicely done. The only thing I might have commented on, PB did–using “steel” twice so close together. Good 8 🙂

  5. The one thing that bothered me was the word “flashed” around the door. Used as a verb, flashing refers to making a door or window join to a building waterproof, using rubber or soft metal. That’s how I was trying to read it. If you mean blue light, clarify it.

  6. This is very good. I like the character and world building. My only two quibbles were “flashed” and “steel” being used twice so close together, but the others have already mentioned it. I would definitely like to read more. 🙂

  7. Pingback: WeWriWa | CyberWorld: The Games | Books and Bark·

  8. Pingback: WeWriWa | The CyberWorld: Fury | Books and Bark·

Tell me your thoughts, minions!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s