WeWriWa | Bellatris

Well, I know you all like Bellatris, my villain, and… here she is! This scene is narrated from Breeze’s POV, though you get a better look into Bellatris’s mind than Breeze’s. If you’d like to meet a few other characters (none are present in this scene), you might be interested in seeing last week’s post. Enjoy! 😀

Bellatris walked calmly around the table, every inch of her skin wrinkled with kindness. How had I thought a woman so sweet a villain?
“Breeze DeIslandi…” When she spoke for the second time, her voice was icy, sharp and colder than I had ever imagined a voice being capable of being; Manipulative. “I’ve waited so long,” Her eyes darted from side to side, examining me, my face, how I looked. Searching; For what? Bellatris’s gaze rested on my blue-gray eyes for a second, then pulled away. Her gaze, though searching for things to manipulate, was curious, excited.

Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt © Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog

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The use of the word “manipulate” twice is getting on my nerves, too… if you guys can think of any other words to use, I’d be glad to change it. This scene happens later on in the book, and while I can’t give you too much background, without spoiling the entire novel and giving away the plot, Breeze is in trouble here. Do you care for Breeze or Bellatris more based on the information I’ve given you about them? I’m interested to know 😀

As for my The Queen of the Tearling review, I have learned that I don’t have time to post on weekdays with school and all, or even write part of posts. So I’ll be spending my Saturdays drafting posts for the entire week. My new targeted date for the post is Monday, and it will definitely be up sometime next week. I’m also working my way through A Wolf Called Romeo, which I’ll probably review the week after.

I hope you guys enjoyed the post, and happy 8Sunday! 😀

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Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt © Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog

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23 responses to “WeWriWa | Bellatris

  1. Awesome snippet as always 😀 You do a great job with suspense. Now I’m curious about what she’s been waiting for, but it sounds like you aren’t going to tell us D: This was a cool description, “Bellatris walked calmly around the table, every inch of her skin wrinkled with kindness.” I can totally see her pretending to be nice, but it’s obvious to others she’s putting on an act. Although I might change it to “every inch of her face,” instead of skin. Your arms and legs don’t really wrinkle when you are happy but your face changes a lot.

    You could get around the use of “manipulative” twice by talking about control or domination. I often use the puppet analogy when discussing someone controlling another person. I use the marionette kind of puppet for those descriptions. A hand puppet wouldn’t work very well, lol. Well Bellatris is being her cruel, callous, manipulative self here so I like Breeze better XD I mean you can’t make the reader too empathetic to Bellatris or she isn’t a believable antagonist. I think you have a good balance so far. I do tend to root for the heroes, but I like villains I can empathize with because I like it when the lines between good and evil are blurred.

    I think since this is from first person POV, Breeze in this case, she wouldn’t describe Bellatris glaring into her sky-blue eyes. Like if I describe someone staring at me, I tell a friend or my husband that they were staring at me, or maybe they were staring into my eyes, but I wouldn’t say they were staring into my brown eyes. At least that’s the way I interpret first person POV? I would rephrase it to something like, “Bellatris’s gaze rested on me for a second, then pulled away.” If you want to describe Bellatris gazing directly into Breeze’s eyes, I would write it like, “Bellatris’s gaze rested on me, and for a second I saw into her *eye-description of Bellatris*.” Breeze can describe Bellatris’ eyes, but it comes off kind of weird if she describes her own. At least that is my interpretation of the issue.

    • Thanks 🙂 Oops. I did mean her facial skin, but thanks for telling me 😛 I’ll clarify that. 😀

      Ah, okay, I like the puppet analogy, too 😀 Your C/C is always the best ❤ I'm glad you empathize with Breeze, because that's the point.

      Oops 😛 I have a problem with eyes. I like eye color descriptions. I'm sure it's not needed, because it's been mentioned 20 times already. Thanks! 😀

    • Control IS a good one, now that you mention it… And whoops, thanks for pointing that one out! 😀 I don’t think I’d ever have caught that if I’d edited on my own, because I always know exactly what I meant to say, even if I didn’t actually say it.

      Thanks for the feedback! 😀

  2. I agree with control in the second instance instead of manipulate “Looking for things to control” I like the stream of consciousness style you have going here. Since it is in Breeze’s POV and a very intimate consciousness writing style, the reader empathizes more with her, but I also really enjoy Bellatris as a character. I agree with Paper Butterfly about Breeze describing her own eyes, I think self-description takes the reader out of the moment and sounds like the author instead of the character. If it is really important to the story, you can reveal it through other characters such as dialogue or in comparisons like “her blue-gray eyes matched mine”. I’ve used a variation of that comparison to both describe eye color and establish that two characters are related, otherwise eye color is not super important. If it is not important to the story, I would leave it out. Though you have a clear image of this character and it seems necessary, it’s not as important as you might think. Her voice and personality are much more important, and the reader will fill in the rest. 🙂

    • Yep, I think Bellatris is a bit of a control freak, so that’s perfect 🙂 Hm, I never thought of it that way. Breeze has a number of character issues, perhaps more flaws than perfections, so I was worried that that might shine through in her narration style and make the reader dislike her, or just pity her and not like her as a character. Yeah, I think I had a problem with self-description when I was writing this. Now that I look back it sounds really weird. The funny thing is, I’ve commented on her eyes at least 5 times already in the story–I don’t get the need of having to talk about it again. I do like the comparisons idea you have there… her eyes do play an important role in the story (as weird as that may sound), and while it’s not the most important, it’s decently so. I definitely do agree–even if I don’t like how a character looks physically (as long as their physical description doesn’t affect the story/their personality traits), I still grow to love them for the character they are. 😀

  3. Others have commented on the same things that pulled me out of the story. I do think you write an incredible villain! Once you get it tweaked just right– it’ll be wonderful!

    • Erm… she doesn’t have a fixed age (well, she does, but I’m too lazy to calculate the exact age from her birthdate), but she’s around 45-50 ish in this scene. So while she’s not super-wrinkled, she’s got lines… Hmm, your comment has made me consider that. Thanks! 😀 You always give me such fantastic insights. 🙂

  4. great snippet! I think you could drop manipulative the first time you use it and just leave the second one. It’s interesting to see the word manipulate there because it usually conveys something negative, but then you have adjectives like excited and kindness (back at the beginning) which convey positive things. I’m intrigued by this character and I want to know more about her, is she good or not?

  5. Hello there! I was wondering if you’d be interested in writing collaborative reviews of the new series of Doctor Who. In other words, we would pick one episode and co-author a post. I thought writing with other Whovian bloggers might be a nice change from my usual blogging-by-myself routine! 🙂
    If you’re interested, more info can be found right here —> http://musingsfromnevillesnavel.wordpress.com/2014/08/26/collaborative-reviews-of-doctor-who-series-eight-in-the-forest-of-titles-and-theories/
    Thank you!

    • Actually so like
      If you ARE interested and you’re interested in a different episode or can only do one episode, that’s fine but
      It would be kind of fun to write the finale (both episodes, it’s a two-parter again) with you!

      • Um. Um. Wait. You asked me to CO-AUTHOR a post? On one of my favorite blogs??!?!? ❤ ❤ ❤ I would have to say YES! 😀

        I'd LOVE to write a Doctor Who review post with you! I would also love to write the finale's review with you *dies because I am so honored you actually asked me*, but I have to check my final's dates. I'm not sure if the episode(s) and my finals are the same week, but if they are, then I will be recording them and watching them the next week. So I might not be able to do the finale. (Does that make sense? I hope so.) I'm crossing my fingers that it's a different week, but if they ARE the same week, I'd still love to do a normal episode with you! I'd be interested in "Flatline" as a one-parter, or "Mummy on the Orient Express," or "Robot of Sherwood." **edits 5 seconds later: or “Time Heist”. Because JACK?!?** Whatever others haven't called dibs on yet 😛 And I read through the post, I think Google Drive would work better for me. You can email me the document/share it to booksandbark@gmail.com 😀

        *goes running off to do a hyper-excited-happy-dance*

        (Ack, sorry for the late reply, I actually saw this yesterday and got super excited, but didn't have time to reply :/ )

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