WeWriWa | Actual PLOT, You Say?

Well, today, you actually get to see some of the plot of my novel. πŸ˜€ This scene, a far cry from last week’s post, picks up right where “The Games” left off. (It’s fine if you haven’t read previous excerpts; it should still make relative sense.) This also features McVaine, who I think we finally get to see from Breeze’s POV. Enjoy. πŸ˜€

In this scene, Breeze is being taken unexpectedly from her Cell by McVaine, her Guard.

β€œYou’ll see when we get there,” McVaine replied stiffly, β€œI’m taking you to meet a few of my… friends.”
β€œFriends? Since when did you have friends?” I tried to yank my shoulder out of McVaine’s hand, but he just squeezed tighter.
β€œIf you want to ever get back to your Cell alive,” he whispered softly, twisting my shoulder tighter, β€œYou will let me guide you to where we are going.”
I stopped struggling, but I did not relax. McVaine, keeping a strong grip on my arm, led me left and right, through what seemed to be a maze of corridors and tunnels. I had always known the CyberWorld was vast; I had realized it was complex. But I had not even fathomed the size of it.

Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt Β© Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog


Well. It took quite a while to edit that excerpt to fit in 8 lines. Whew! What a job. πŸ˜€

Anyways, I hope you liked this little glimpse of the plot. I’m curious to hear your thoughts on Breeze/McVaine’s relationship and how it looks from a more aggressive/in the moment narrative perspective rather than the passive/stream-of-conciousness one I gave you previously.

Now that I am not doing What’s Up Wednesday every week, I’m just going to be giving you a small summary of what’s going on in my life now during WeWriWa (perhaps around 8 sentences, to stay in spirit? πŸ˜› ) . Basically, school again. Also, a clarinet audition which has given me worse carpel tunnel (and tongue tunnel? I keep getting sores in my mouth from the reed) in two hours than writing has been able to in a week, which is good. After a summer with lots of trips and minimal practice, it feels good to practice Clari (yes, I just nicknamed my clarinet. Very badly). πŸ˜€ Though I do feel like I’ve started to talk about school WAY too much on my blog. So onwards! πŸ˜›

In terms of upcoming blog posts, I should have a book review coming up this week; I’m almost finished with A Wolf Called Romeo, and I’m hoping to start jotting my thoughts down tomorrow. Also, this Wednesday, I’ll be posting some of my thoughts on writing, which should be fun. πŸ˜€

Oh, and “Deep Breath” aired last weekend! I actually quite liked it. I’d post some GIFs, but spoilers, sweeties.


Well, Happy 8Sunday to all of you wonderful talented writers out there! πŸ˜€

Sabrina signature



Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt Β© Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog


26 responses to “WeWriWa | Actual PLOT, You Say?

  1. Yeah, it’s hard to fit any significant plot into 8 lines, but you succeeded here. Poetry is another way to fit plot in 8 lines XD So I think this is an side effect of being in fanfiction for so long, but the way McVain talks makes me think he’s going to sexually assault her D: I mean it’s really kind of vague, which makes it seem more realistic. I’m just hoping that doesn’t happen. Again, fanfiction has colored my thoughts on that matter, but it’s the first thing I thought of :$ The last line makes me think the Cyberworld might be an illusion, kind of like the Matrix. Now I’m curious about how their world is put together. If they are kept in their cells, I imagine the rest of the world is for the ruling class? Are there only two social classes here? Definitely a thought provoking snippet, but I have more questions than answers now XD

    So this isn’t something you need to change, but it’s more so a point to consider in the future to make your writing stronger. I’m the last person to talk about rules because I break them all the time :$ But this one makes sense to me. Adverbs are kind of like a cheap way to describe something, and they are often redundant. Like this line, “‘If you want to ever get back to your Cell alive,” he whispered softly, twisting my shoulder tighter, β€œYou will let me guide you to where we are going.’” The word “softly” is an adverb here. You don’t need it because it’s already implied that a whisper is soft. I just relooked at my “snippet” and pulled out an adverb XD

    Sometimes they are okay like this line, “‘You’ll see when we get there,” McVaine replied stiffly, β€œI’m taking you to meet a few of my… friends.'” Here “stiffly,” is an adverb, but it adds something here so I wouldn’t change it. I mean there are ways to get around it with more elaborate description, but too much of that and your prose becomes purplish. I hate dialogue partly for that reason. McCarthy just does away with all dialogue tags XD But when you’re that good you can do whatever you want I suppose, lol.

    I don’t mind if you talk about school. It’s your blog, so you can talk about what you want XD I played the flute in highschool, but I did not like marching band, and we weren’t big enough to have a concert band. In my sophmore year I had to choose between band and Honors English, so I chose Honors English. I’m glad you’re still able to post snippets of your story πŸ™‚ I always look forward to reading them ^^

    • Hehe, thanks πŸ˜€ Um, oops. It wasn’t supposed to come across that way… just sort of vaguely creepy. Maybe it’s because it IS out of context a little (we don’t know what’s going on before or after… in fact, there’s actually another character present in this scene who I cut out for the sake of length/sense). Hm, I’ve never seen the Matrix, but that’s an interesting theory… not that it’s right or anything. πŸ˜› Yep, that’s sort of what it’s supposed to leave you with right here πŸ˜€ The world is gradually explained throughout the story.

      Ahahaha, whoops πŸ˜› I have a problem with redundant adverbs, especially “whispered softly.” Thanks for pointing it out for me πŸ˜›

      Well, I guess it is, now that I think about it πŸ˜€ But I still like to not bore my readers. I played the flute for a while, and I liked it, but I couldn’t fit it in with clarinet and all πŸ˜› And it sucks choosing between Honors English and marching band. I’d choose Honors English, too, since English is a college requirement all 4 years, if you want to go somewhere good. (Whoops. College snuck up on my blog πŸ˜› ) Yeah, it definitely helps that it’s on a Saturday, so I don’t have to worry so much about homework. πŸ™‚ Thanks for stopping by! I always love getting your comments so much! πŸ˜€

      (Just wondering–is there anything you’d like to see more of next week? I’m out of ideas of what to post πŸ˜› )

      *rushes off to check out your excerpt*

      • Without knowing the story it’s hard for me to choose what I’d like to see next XD Whatever you think is good πŸ™‚ That’s what I tend to post πŸ˜›

        I’m glad he’s not referring to sexual assault. Rape happens, but it was in like 80% of fanfics, many of them as the climax to the story or a central plot point. There was a lot of dubious consent too, which I don’t believe in. It’s either consensual or not consensual. The issue isn’t grey for me. I don’t think most people would think the same thing about your snippet unless they spent years in fanfic.

        It’s very creepy though. I feel like something really bad is going to happen. I guess it would be a neat surprise if McVaine was trying to overthrow Beatrice. Although sometimes people expect the opposite of what’s expected so by doing what’s expected you are surprising them XD

        • Haha, exactly πŸ˜› I was just wondering if there’s anything specific… Ah, well. I’ll just scrounge through it looking for good-sounding stuff next week πŸ˜›

          Yeah, I barely write romance, let alone assault :\ I don’t like the issue at all, either, and I think it’s so wrong. I don’t think I’d ever write it in to one of my novels.

          Yep πŸ™‚ And I guess you’ll just have to wait and see πŸ˜› (Partially because I actually forgot what happens next. What a doofus I am. πŸ˜› )

  2. Oh my, she’s in way over her head. I can’t imagine what that creep has in store for her. I really liked the last line. It feels like it’s adding another layer to her problems–that she is small and vulnerable in this situation. Nicely done. :-).

    • Exactly πŸ˜› (I’m celebrating because everyone finally sees McVaine from Breeze’s point of view: a creep). Oh, hm, I didn’t even notice that. It’s supposed to be in a literal sense, but I like your analysis πŸ˜€

  3. See it’s kind of creepy, but I was hoping maybe he’s her ally…but he can’t just come out and say that. You have me wondering what’s up next.

    • Thanks πŸ˜€ I don’t know, you make it sound so interesting when you DO talk about it (which is rarely, really). πŸ˜›

      Ack and I’ve been meaning to comment on your last post it was so awesome… but right when I was going to, I lost signal πŸ˜› Oh, well. πŸ™‚ Right now I have to watch “Into the Dalek.” πŸ˜€

    • Ooh, really? *feels better about that now*

      The Vastra/Jenny post? You mean the one where I was a shameless fangirl who ships anything and everything? xD

      How did you like the episode? πŸ™‚

      • Haha yep πŸ˜€

        Yeah, that one πŸ˜› I love how everything in Doctor Who is basically attributed to science.

        I liked it! πŸ˜€ I felt like 12 was a little detached, but maybe that’s because I’ve gotten used to 10/11’s hyperness. πŸ˜› I also felt like 9 was underrated when the dalek said the thing at the end. I mean, it said so to 9 in Season 1, Episode 6, too! 😦 *grumpy Sabrina*

  4. I’m curious as to whether McVaine might actually be an ally…but she’s certainly in a bad situation no matter what. Can’t wait to find out what sort of “friends” he’s taking her to meet. Very interesting 8!

  5. Oooh! I love this excerpt. My favourite line is: β€œIf you want to ever get back to your Cell alive,” he whispered softly, twisting my shoulder tighter.
    I’m not quite sure *why*, but it is well written. Wow! Editing it to fit in eight sentences must have been hard work πŸ˜€ By the way, I’ve also tagged you to do the HP Spells Book Tag:
    If you have time, you can do it!

    • Ack, I thought I replied to this! Whoops, guess I didn’t πŸ˜›

      Thanks! I actually was thinking of getting rid of that line, but now that you say you like it, I may have to rethink it… πŸ˜›

      That looks so fun! I’ll squeeze it in sometime, because I’m a huge Potterhead, and BOOKS and SPELLS. πŸ˜€ It would’ve been perfect to do on September 1st (the day the Hogwarts Express leaves every year), but unfortunately I didn’t have time 😦

      By the way, do you mind if I use the images (I’m assuming you made them) of the spells and what book they represent? I’d link to your blog and give you credit for them πŸ˜€

    • Well, I’m actually in the “editing” phase. Once I finish my self-set edits, I’ll be sending it to beta readers, editing again, and working with some writing buddies to make it perfect before I query. πŸ™‚

      So maybe not for a while, but I’m hoping it’ll be the best it can be when it DOES get published. πŸ˜€

  6. Pingback: WeWriWa | Wishes | Books and Bark·

  7. Pingback: WeWriWa | More Plot, You Say?? | Books and Bark·

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