WeWriWa | Wishes

Hello there! Yes, I am, indeed, alive. And better yet… here for another 8Sunday! 😀 This is not connected to last Sunday’s post, but I thought you might enjoy it. It’s less long (hmm… maybe I should stop writing blog posts at 12:30 AM, so that I can use the much simpler “shorter”? or better yet, “longer,” the verb I intended) longer than previous WeWriWa posts, but I think you’ll like it. Though I’m not saying you won’t get teased with a plot thread… 😛

Fury felt his hand slide over the smooth screen of the Holo tablet; It was ebony black, all of it, like a smooth piece of black glass. Grasping it with one hand, he pulled it gently out from under the mattress; The front of it was like a deep black lake with no waves, but turning it over… His forefinger traced the thin, spider-like crack that had formed itself there; One of only five others…
Gently, he waved his hand over the screen to turn the tablet on; It flickered to life, projecting white images into the air; He flicked through them… Files, pictures, a page of a journal he had once written… He kept scrolling. He was just about to swipe the air where the hologram was again, when he paused, his hand half-raised and his fingers curled; The name displaying under a picture of a girl was Breeze DeIslandi. Instead of swiping to the next page, Fury, very slowly, opened the folder; A data sheet spread out in front of him, chock-full of data about her, her life… He flipped through, eyes eating up her life story, her very existence.
Then finally, he paused on a page; A new name had appeared in Breeze’s life story.
His.
How had She known?

Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt © Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog

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So there you have it. This is another excerpt sort of from Fury’s perspective, so I hope you liked it. It was quite a few paragraphs before I cut it down, so I hope I did okay with that. I know the formatting’s weird; wherever I meshed two sentences together is a semicolon, so just read those as periods. 😛 Unfortunately, I can’t give you any more of the plot from last week, so I thought I’d give you this. Maybe next week, you’ll see some more of Bellatris when I rewrite the scenes. 😀 The title is “Wishes” because it’s the name of the particular section, and frankly, I didn’t know what else to call it. I considered “Data” or “Information” but they didn’t really classify the entire thing.

Strangely enough, Fury’s scenes have come out the cleanest. This is my first draft of the passage, and it’s a lot better than what I’ve seen from Breeze’s perspective. In fact, I have a strange way of connecting to secondary characters or villains more than the character from whose point of view I’m writing. It’s odd, because most people would expect you to get attached to the main character. 😛

Oh, and would it be worth mentioning that I got an idea for a sort of alternate ending to my novel? Frankly, I chickened out of writing at the end, and the big-explosive-climax moment didn’t really happen… so I’m excited to finally be writing something explosive (literally? Perhaps. Though, according to my chemistry teacher, the correct term would be “combustible”). 😛

Sorry for the lack of posting and commenting lately. Last weekend, I finished both A Wolf Called Romeo by Nick Jans and The Innocent Assassins by Pema Donyo. This week I’ll finally get around to reviewing them; I’m especially excited to share my thoughts on The Innocent Assassins, as Pema and I have been crazily obsessing (correct grammar? no? okay) about the Doctor Who premiere for quite a while now. 😀

Well, Happy 8Sunday!

Sabrina signature

 

Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt © Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog

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18 responses to “WeWriWa | Wishes

  1. Liking the pacing of this, The mix of long, mid-length, and short sentences and paragraphs. It flows well, and delivers more impact on the bits that need it. Good eight (and a bit, because we all love the trusty ” ; ” )

  2. Ooooh, this is interesting 😀 Now I want to know how Fury is related to Breeze 😄 I guess this is the first time he becomes aware of her existence? I’m going to take a guess and say that Fury will align with Breeze to help overthrow the government? That’s an interesting technological device, and I’m guessing that since it is cracked, it’s one that the ruling class threw away? Little details like that say a lot about the situation, so you get the info across without a dump. Anyway, I guess everyone’s life is catalogued? That’s creepy because as a society we might be headed down that road D:

    The only thing that tripped me up a bit was the use of “black” in the first paragraph, “It was ebony black, all of it, like a smooth piece of black glass. Grasping it with one hand, he pulled it gently out from under the mattress; The front of it was like a deep black lake with no waves, but turning it over… His forefinger traced the thin, spider-like crack that had formed itself there; One of only five others…”

    I would rephrase it like, “It was the color of ebony, a smooth piece of black glass.” Ebony is black, so you don’t have to say “ebony black.” About the other one, “like a deep black lake with no waves. . .” It might help to compare it to a lake at nighttime, which is already really dark. That would avoid the overuse of the word black.

    Always an enjoyable read ^^ Looking forward to learning more 😀

    • Hm, interesting theory… but I can’t tell you whether it’s right or wrong or what. 😛 I didn’t think about tiny details like that, but I suppose you’re right. I guess I never thought about it that way. Although it could mean many things. 😀

      Oh, huh. Didn’t see that. And yeah, I’m good at using extremely redundant adverbs, so thank you for pointing that out. 😛

      Thanks! It’s been quite hard work finding excerpts that don’t give anything away… maybe I’ll switch to another piece next week? 😛 Whatever you guys think! 😀

  3. Enjoyed the snippet, quite visual due to your excellent descriptions. And how intriguing that his name is in the girl’s file. (Why was he looking at her file in the first place? Hmmm.) Great excerpt for us!

  4. I agree about the technology description. Nicely done! And what a zinger–finding his own name in her story. Excellent intrigue! 🙂

    I’m putting on my moderator hat, now. 🙂 We suggest creative punctuation for the infrequent times when a writer needs to complete a thought, or wrap up a chapter. Although replacing so many periods with colons and semicolons isn’t technically against the rules, I feel compelled to make mention if it for two reasons.

    The first is that when blog visitors read your post, the creative punctuation throws off their pacing. It changes the snippet to being not actually a true representation of what you’re capable of as a writer.

    And the second reason is that I know other moderators have already left comments on creatively punctuated long excerpts. And we try to be fair to all participants.

    We enjoy reading your writing. You have a very creative mind! Have a good week, Sabrina 🙂 See you on Sunday.

    • Thanks! 😀

      Oh, I didn’t know that. Sorry about it. 😦 I’ve seen some other people use a lot of semicolons in their posts, so I thought it was okay, but I guess I didn’t see the moderator comments you post. And you’re right, it DOES throw off the pacing and doesn’t show what I’m capable of as a writer.

      Thanks! I hope you have (well, now HAD) a great week, too! 😀

  5. I liked that end part. Holograms are cool though the description of the tablet-like item was, in my opinion, over-the-top. My attention wasn’t caught until that last sentence and then I was all, “Huh?” and wanted to read more. hehe 🙂

    • Yeah, it does play an important role in the book, which was why I stressed it so much. But I am questioning the means of the stress now. :\
      Glad the last line was a hooker! I hoped it’d be 😀

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