WeWriWa | More Plot, You Say??

Last week, I messed up with the time zones and didn’t get my post up in time for WeWriWa. But luckily this week, I can! This is a continuation of the plot from two or three weeks ago. In that excerpt, Breeze is taken out of her Cell by her Guard, McVaine, which is unusual. Here’s what happens next. I hope you enjoy! 😀

McVaine seized my shoulder and propelled me into a room. I blinked a few times, the harshness of the light making me blind after so much darkness. My vision zoned in and out of focus, and when it finally settled, I saw around myself a room with white walls, a white floor, and a white ceiling. In the center of the room, also white, sat a rectangular, sharp-edged chair with wires and tubes feeding through it. Several machines, white, sat next to it, silently. A pair of swinging doors, like the ones I’d seen in old-fashioned Games and Movies, stood still on the other side of the room.
I am used to silence. But in this room, stark, white, and bare, the silence is unnatural and unnerving.

Blog Post, Idea, and Novel Excerpt © Sabrina Wolfheart & the Books and Bark blog

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And there it is! 😀 I’m so happy to be back with WeWriWa. Like some of my other posts, this is an excerpt from the very first draft (what I like to call the “Alpha Draft”) of my novel. But unlike some of my other posts, this is one of the Alpha Excerpts which doesn’t really sound nice. 😛 So please, unleash the Constructive Criticism on me! I’d love to hear it. 😀 (Next week, I might post the first 8 sentences of the Alpha Draft of my novel; what do you guys think?)

Learning has been my inspiration of late. I’ve had no less than three ideas in the past week alone. Two of them are add-ons to previous projects and one of them was a completely new story idea. I’m going to  be very excited whenever I get them written down. 😛

Of late, school has been very busy (well, obviously, seeing as I’m taking four advanced classes), so I haven’t had much time to write at all. I’m currently reading The 100 and Day 21, both novels by Kass Morgan (sent to me courtesy of the publisher, Little, Brown; thank you! 😀 ), and will be reading Gracefully Grayson (Ami Polonsky; thanks again to Disney Book Group! 🙂 ) after that. AND Echoes of Us by Kat Zhang came out this week. EVERYBODY GO READ THE HYBRID CHRONICLES!

And that’s pretty much been my life these past two weeks. 🙂 Sorry for the lack of enthusiasm and peppiness in this post, but I’ve been very tired lately (yesterday I walked over my dog’s blanket and called it a wall) so I’m going to be off to get some sleep soon.

Hope you guys enjoyed the excerpt and Happy 8Sunday!

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14 responses to “WeWriWa | More Plot, You Say??

  1. Ooooh, this snippet is a good one 😀 A room that is all white is creepy. I think that may be because white is the color of purity, but there is something off here, and it’s contrary to what one would expect. Not sure what that chair is for, but it also gives me a bad feeling. And I feel like Breeze is going to find out what it’s for D:

    I liked this line, “I am used to silence. But in this room, stark, white, and bare, the silence is unnatural and unnerving.” Descriptions of silence always amuse me. Sometimes it’s what isn’t said that has a greater impact on the scene.

    I have a line like this in this week’s snippet, “I blinked a few times, the harshness of the light making me blind after so much darkness.” Yours is better XD Maybe I’ll change mine if I can think of something better to replace it, lol.

    About this line, “My vision zoned in and out of focus, and when it finally settled I saw around myself a room with white walls, a white floor, and a white ceiling.” Something about the vision zoning in and out seems a bit awkward. It makes me think of a digital camera. Also, it might be more dramatic to say she was trapped or encapsulated in this room versus the whiteness surrounding her. I might change it to something like, “Once my vision clarified, I saw that I was trapped in a white room, the color of . . . ” That kind of changes the meaning though. Also, if you compare the white to another white object/idea/thing/creature, I think it could be more powerful.

    • Thanks! And yes, she is D:

      Yeah I feel like coming-into-conciousness or into light always is a bit awkward when it comes to phrasing, at least for me. Hmm, I like “encapsulated.” Good verb. Thanks for the constructive criticism! 😀 I always really enjoy it.

  2. Great description of the room- sounds suspiciously like a torture chamber!

    I thought this phrase was a bit awkward: “the harshness of the light making me blind after so much darkness. ” Maybe it”s two words ending in “ness” so close together. How about, “the harsh light blinded me after so much darkness,” or “the harsh light was blinding after so much darkness?”

    This is a really good first draft!

  3. This is much easier to follow than your last snippet – the creative punctuation was a little *too* creative!

    Very descriptive without being overwhelming. I feel like I am in that white room with Breeze, seeing the things she sees.

    Very well done!

  4. Hi Sabrina! I’m so glad you’re back 🙂
    Good snippet full of descriptive writing. I think you might have a verb tense shift in the last para. May I make a suggestion? “I am used to silence. But in this room, stark, white, and bare, the silence is unnatural and unnerving.” could be written as: “I’ve always been comfortable with silence, but in this room, stark, white, and bare, it was unnatural and unnerving.” That fixes the tense shift, and it eliminates “silence” being used twice in 2 sentences. Just a thought. 🙂

    Good 8 🙂 Have a great week. 🙂

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