A Letter To The Universe

Tomorrow I will turn sixteen. No, scratch that. In approximately twenty-four hours, I will turn sixteen. I like to count down to the very minute, the very second. Only then am I sixteen, really. It’s a sort of lying otherwise.

I wasn’t originally going to write this post, but then the Harry Potter films came on on the TV and somehow I ended up sitting down in this chair to write for the last time as a fifteen-year-old.

Sixteen seems like something that should not be happening tomorrow. All my life, sixteen was something grown-up, something very adult and mature and something that stands for everything I dislike. I don’t want a big party. Or a cake (I don’t really like cake). I don’t want a car. I mean, I can’t even drive yet. (Yay for five AP classes!) And please, don’t say the phrase “sweet sixteen,” within five meters of me. Sixteen was something I Wasn’t Yet. And now (or in twenty-four hours, at least), I suddenly will be.

I don’t want to be sixteen. Not just yet. I’m not ready, you see. Sixteen was my deadline birthday. Sixteen was the year I’d like to have a novel published by (I haven’t even got a decent one written, really). Sixteen was the year that I would, I don’t know, be the same age Harry Potter was when Dumbledore died and the Wizarding World really found out that Voldemort was back. I don’t know. I’ve always looked up to these fictional characters of my childhood as older than me. And now it’s odd to think that even though they’re technically still aging (I think Harry just turned 36!), they will soon be forever immortalized as younger than me.

It’s odd to think that I’m starting to enter the higher ages, the adult ages, the ages that are your final years leading up to college. It’s odd that this will probably be the last blog post I will ever write as, essentially, a child.

I don’t know, I guess. Sixteen is just such an odd age to think about. Sixteen was the age Katniss was when her sister’s name was drawn in the Reaping. Sixteen was the age of every character in every Disney movie. Sixteen was an age that was Older. Sixteen, that sixteen, was an age that just wasn’t close for me. I guess I always just assumed that when I turned sixteen, it would be a different sixteen from Harry’s sixteen, or Katniss’s sixteen, or every person in the universe’s sixteen. But it turns out that life doesn’t work that way and my sixteen is everyone else’s sixteen, pure and simple.

I’m probably not making much sense right now. And I don’t think I have to. I guess, in a way, this is a letter to the universe. A last record of my thoughts at fifteen. A last record of what I think it will be like to be sixteen and not actually being sixteen.

Because tomorrow, and it’s odd to think that it’s tomorrow, I’m going to wake up and the universe is going to think I am sixteen, because they don’t understand I won’t be sixteen for another twelve hours.

Well, universe, I’m telling you this: push it off a little. You can do that, can’t you? Keep me fifteen for, oh, I don’t know, another few hours? Another year? It doesn’t really matter how long in my mind. It just has to be long enough for me to get everything done.

Everything that I told myself I’d do by the time I was sixteen. Everything that, in twenty-four hours, I won’t have lived up to doing.

In twenty-four hours, I will be sixteen years old.

Do me a favor, universe, something small, something that won’t really matter, in the long run. Just stop time for me.

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14 responses to “A Letter To The Universe

  1. I loved reading this as my son just turned 16 today. He’s not one for a huge party, he doesn’t start drivers ed until December. He doesn’t seem to be any different from yesterday’s 15 to today’s 16. I vividly remember being excited to turn 16. It was a huge step mainly because I could drive. Back then it was easier to learn to drive than to get a novel published. Now days, it may be the opposite since you can put anything on Amazon now and people will read it.
    Enjoy your youth and your goal of having a novel published will happen. Given you have a crazy amount of AP classes, it may take another two years. Or ten.
    At all ages, we have goals and many times they are not met because life happens. When I got married, my husband wanted to be mortgage free about 10 years later. That didn’t happen. We’ve moved five times…the 5th being this past July but other goals have been met and new ones made. You will get your novel out there, but it sounds like school comes first (which is a good thing!)
    I love your posts, so I’m happy you carve out a bit of down time to do some blogging. Best of luck in your AP’s and Happy Birthday!
    (Sorry if I sound like a mom, but, well, I am!)

    • I know this is VASTLY TOO LATE but I think your son and I share a birthday. October 19th? Thank you for all of this! It’s incredibly sweet. And I guess that’s true, but I still can’t help but want to do EVERYTHING

  2. I totally just saw this now so this is super late but literally everything you wrote here speaks to me on a spiritual level and I really appreciate the fact that you put it all into tangible words, I enjoyed reading this a lot 🙂 Happy birthday buddy, make 16 your year! ❤

  3. Such a beautiful, touching post, even if a bit sad…Think of all the milestones that you never imagined you would reach, but did – rather than the ones you didn’t! And, it will all happen…all in good time! And, remember, Harry Potter and Katniss are fictional characters for a reason….they don’t really exist! Keep writing your awesome blog, and keep being you! 16 is just another number!

  4. Hi
    belated happy birthday girl ….loved your blog …16 years is awesum girl ….within we all want to remain as small kids …….but we move on in life like an adventure ……..just like Harry Potter not knowing what unfolds before us …….even real life seems like an illusion ……though it looks tough. It just moves on ……..we depend so much on assumptions and beliefs which may not be factual also ………all we need to find out at times is that it’s all illusion !!! Proud of you my child your book shall surely be published waiting to hold your book in my hands as I like to read a real book not liking the e-book concept yet
    Meet a

  5. *whispers* Happy birthday. I hope being 16 doesn’t involve you getting kidnapped and eaten by a werewolf or marrying a vampire or getting reaped. Just sayin’.
    I had a lot of goals for when I turned sixteen too…and then when I turned 18…and GAH. Still haven’t gotten that book out. -_- But there’s still time!! Just wait till you’re nearly 18…. 😉 (Omg just wait till you’re 21 THAT IS SCARY.)
    And omg, excuse you but did you just say you hate cake??!!??!?!
    IT’S OKAY I’LL FORGIVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE ON THE BRINK OF OLD AGE.

    • *whispers* Thank you, I hope so too. Also, why are we whispering?
      BUT YOU’RE FABULOUS AND AGENTED AND ONE DAY YOU WILL BE A BESTSELLING AUTHOR DO NOT DESPAIR YET, MY DEAR CAIT. *yells to make up for the prior whispering* Cake is not my favorite thing, sadly. But PIE. I like pies. Well, some pies. Also Nutella is my entire life.

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